It’s sad, really, how we let the circumstances shape our view of God. As if He had not already spent thousands of years revealing Himself in a myriad of tiny details and grand sweeping plans. As if He had not breathed Words into the hearts of men to speak to us in our own language, even wrapping Himself in flesh to walk among us– all so we could know Him.
And yet, serving gets difficult and we think “Maybe God doesn’t want me to do this any more.” Sickness hangs on and we say “God is punishing me.” Provision doesn’t come when we ask, and we wonder “Is God listening?…does He care about my need?” And before we realize it, we have looked at the circumstances and drawn our own outlines for who God is; framed Him in, with the small scope of our emotions and everyday experience. When I think about it that way, I see the deception from the Garden being acted out all over again, setting how we feel and what we see up higher than what God actually says. It’s just bad art to try to sketch an infinite Creator.
When serving gets difficult, God says, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” (Colossians 3:17) When sickness lingers and prayers seem unanswered, God says, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned…but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3) When needs pinch, and fear rises, God replies, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” (Matthew 6:31) His power and provision are endless. His love more boundless than oceans. This is the picture Heaven draws of the Creator.
We could blame our faulty outlines on a fallen world: two plus two equals four, and doing good should be easy, and what I can see and feel is clearly real…it’s a blind reasoning that ignores the weight of Divine evidence to the contrary. But how frightening to see my mind conforming to the pattern of this world and ignoring Grace. Devastating to see into even well-meaning hearts, and find them fully planted in the center of the universe as if they had a right to be there. As if they had never read God’s own description of who He is, or at least had never let the words soak in deeper than skin.
God talks about that too, of course: “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9) He sees into all the twists and turns of my emotions and motivations quite clearly, and will show it to me if I really want to know, really want to change. The question is if I am willing to face up to His truth and trust what He is doing in my life. Can I let Him be unmeasurable and beyond understanding and not at all tame, because I know He is most deeply good? Times like this make me realize just how amazing His Grace is, and how very deep and wide and long is God’s love for us. Time to put down the inkpen and let Him do the drawing.
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A thousand times I’ve failed–
Still your mercy remains,
And should I stumble again,
I’m caught in your grace.Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades;
Inside Out, Hillsong
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame;
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out….
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The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
Proverbs 9:10
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.