It is the posture of a worshipper and the habit of a desperate heart, keeping your eyes fixed on God.  King David lived that way, for both reasons.   When you are writing songs and running for your life, you learn this; when  there are no other options and few resources, where else would you look except to the Maker of heaven and earth?  “… my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD.”  (Psalm 141:8)  And you learn to listen, there in the desert, to strain your ears for the still small voice of God and the touch of His Spirit.  You learn to watch for every breath of wind and stirring of sand, not knowing what it will bring, but knowing Who guides it all.  “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10)

In the dry and hungry desert places a heart learns to listen for God, watch for Him with held breath to bring any change, a deliverance… “My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.” (Psalm 25:15)  And when your own strength and courage are running low and you’re not sure how to go on from here, where else would you turn but to the One who made what is here and hears you when you call?  “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Ps. 62:8)  It is the only way to survive in the desert, as David knew… and Hagar…and Moses….you pour out your heart to God and then listen and watch for what He will do.  And that is the kind of habit it’s hard to learn in the distractions of more abundant places.

At first you might learn to fix your eyes on Jesus to survive, so you can make it to somewhere else, or maybe just because you are young and enthralled, but after awhile you realize it is the best place for a heart to be, and to simply wait and look for what He is doing next.  Because the heavens declare His handiwork and the skies paint His unfailing love for those who are watching.  Selah

I’ll be a God-watcher in all the places of life; I’ll be a worshipper and a desperate heart.  I will be content in the deserts and in the garden, if You will give me eyes to see You and ears to hear You.  “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.”  (Psalm 139:5-6)

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever….as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge….”(Ps.73:25-26)

His little voice stammered and strained as he told me about his fear of getting up in front of people, his dread of everyone looking at him.  As I listened to this little friend with the big eyes and sensitive heart, I could hear every one of his words echoing as if they were my own.  How could I tell this precious child that when you are born shy the fear doesn’t ever really go away, you just learn more skills to cope with it?  The world always seems larger and faster and louder than you are, and you either withdraw to safer, smaller circles, or you learn to walk beside your Father with your small hand firmly in His big one.  “Hear my cry, O God…from the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint.  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for You have been my refuge, a strong tower…”  Psalm 61:1-3

I thought of older friends who were facing dreads of their own: cancer, the death of a child, the breakdown of a marriage, loss of a business.  How to tell a preschooler that the giants of fear and shame just get bigger as you grow, but so does faith?  I’d rather shield him from that for now, but then how does one learn to trust unless you can take the first step?  No use covering up the giants and pretending they don’t exist…this is the way life is, and yes, monsters are real.

It’s okay to feel nervous and embarrassed, I told him.  Everyone does.  But that doesn’t stop us from doing the things God has for us to do….because if He wants us to do these things, then He will give us what we need to get it done.  I used to tell my own children this, that just because something is difficult doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it, and that anything really worth doing is worth working for.  And He promises to never leave us alone here.

So we talked about David fighting his giant and how all he had was a slingshot and a great big God, and we sang and we prayed, and I hoped this one would remember the shepherd boy who became a king, when he faced his own life giants.  I thought of my own faith-prayer that I read at night, that often goes through my mind when I walk up in front of people:

“Every new duty calls for more grace than I now possess, but not more than is found in thee, the divine Treasury in whom all fullness dwells.  To thee I repair for grace upon grace, until every void made by sin be replenished and I am filled with all thy fullness.  May my desires be enlarged and my hopes emboldened, that I may honor thee by my entire dependency and the greatness of my expectation.  Do thou be with me and prepare me for all….May I find thy grace sufficient for all my needs.”  (taken from The Valley of Vision, p.116)

There are days when it’s hard to see the bigger Glory in what’s right here.  Floors need mopped and the piles of laundry hang raggedy over the basket’s edge.  I am answering the phone and mixing brownies and listening to someone else’s story, and I wonder what mine is.  Can’t back up far enough to see the bigger picture, and from here it feels so trivial, looks so jumbled.

Those days I walk by faith, that there are certain things in this world that God has for me to do, and since He made me to do them, I can.  And because it is His story, it is worth something….faith clutches hard to this hope.  How do I keep on being faithful in days when it all seems a loss, and I wonder if anyone would even notice if I stopped walking?

Paul knew the secret of days like that: “One thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal….” (Philippians 3:13-14)  He used the word-picture of a race often, because it was something his readers had seen and could understand.  When you are a runner you understand it on a different level.  After the thrill of a strong start passes, and the end goal is still too far away to be seen, that’s where you learn perseverance.  Because every foot forward, every measured breath, every response of your body means more ground gained…and you settle into the rhythm, discipline yourself to stay in the moment and not focus on the past or the future or you’ll become discouraged, frustrated with this snail’s pace…it’s just your body and your will and the pavement in front of you… until you suddenly turn a corner and you can see the end up ahead.

That’s how it is on days like this. Just do the next thing, in a manner worthy of your calling, for the glory of the One who called you– one foot in front of the other, and leave it to God to get you to the end of the race.  If I keep my eyes and ears open for what He has for me to do in this moment and be obedient in the here and now, turning it all into worship, the moments have a way of flowing… one to the next, and into years….a whole story written before you know it.

“I am thankful for right now.  God, I AM, is present in this moment, and in His presence is fullness of joy.”  (Ann Voskamp)

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:16-17)

Words matter.  I taught my children that when they were little.  Words are powerful because they shape reality.  The first words we know came from the mouth of God and brought our universe into being.  “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.” (Gen.1:3) Jesus is the living form of God’s words, Truth itself walking among us.  “In the beginning was the Word; and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”  (John 1:1)  And again, reality conformed to His utterance, turning inside-out everything under the sun and transforming it by His resurrection power: “It is finished….Behold, I am making all things new.” (John 19:30, Revelation 21:5)  Words are no small things, however much we take them for granted.

Words shape a person’s reality too– the direction we grow, how we see ourselves, the way we handle life all molded by the words of the people around us.  A picture is worth a thousand words perhaps, but just the right word can change the picture entirely.  So speak with care.  It is a frightful power, this ability to build up or destroy– it mimics the power of the Creator Whose image we bear.

No wonder that without love our words are like a clanging cymbal.  No wonder that Solomon’s wise proverbs spend so much ink addressing what comes out of our mouths.  No wonder that James compares the tongue to a raging fire, and the beast least likely to be tamed in this world.

Words also matter because they reveal what is in our hearts.  Maybe that is why James also says that controlling our tongue is a clear proof of our faith, the litmus test for Jesus-followers.  If Christ’s love and grace has taken up residence inside, the tongue will surely show it.  For the only way to tame the tongue is to let God tame our very nature, fill that fountain with Living Water so that it flows sweet and clear.

Lord make me mindful of my words; may I speak words that build safe places for others, that refresh and encourage, and point to You.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.  Ephesians 4:29

“Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 

Tonight as I looked around the room at these women who have spent the last three months growing together, I was amazed, as always, at how sharing one evening a week has turned us into sisters.  From that first night when we were all so careful and tentative we have come through long days and mothers’ heartaches… prayers upon prayers… worries and laughter and many cups of tea…until tonight we share final requests and insights.  “Pray for me; I need wisdom.  Pray for my children.  Pray that I will stay close to God.  Pray that I can forgive.”  The murmured requests written down and rising up to Heaven.

And so we leave this study on love behind and press on into the future.  Have we become Women of Love?  Not yet, but still becoming, and hopefully understanding Christ’s Law of Love more heart-deeply than when we started.  Committed together to the pursuit of love, for His sake.

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents.  Mostly what God does is love you.  Keep company with him and learn a life of love.  Observe how Christ loved us.  His love was not cautious but extravagant.  He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us.  Love like that.”  (Ephesians 5: 1-2 The Message)

It’s a sobering thought that reconciliation sometimes will not…can not…happen between two people estranged.  Forgiveness is a solo choice.  I can decide to forgive for Christ’s sake, for my own health, whether or not the other person ever repents, or is even still a part of my life.

But reconciliation (the building of bridges and mending of fences, the mutual changing from enemies to something else) — that takes two people willing to turn and look at the other, to try to understand and step into where the other one lives.  And sometimes a face seems set in stone.  Sometimes the door has closed on the opportunity to make things right.

Where does that leave a heart longing for a change?  It leaves us leaning on the heart of Jesus, Who of all people knows how it feels to pursue reconciliation with ones unwilling.  Yet one more way we can share in His sufferings, and get a glimpse into His dear heart.

Lord, help me to hunger for Your resurrection power in my life, bringing new life into all the hopeless places I am tempted to give up on.  Help me to lean hard on You when I feel the wounds of sin, because you bore those wounds in Your body so that I might be healed.  Help me to trust You to make all things new and throw open all the doors and windows of possibility in my life.  Hallelujah, Christ is risen!

It is Easter Week, what is commonly called Passion Week, and we think of Christ’s drawing nearer and nearer to the cross, dreading the pain and horror of it, setting His face towards it with no turning back.  His passion all for us to come to the Father: us separated from our own Creator by our own filthy hands and hard hearts, Him still pursuing in love the creatures who had all, like sheep, gone astray, each of us turned to his own way.  “Irreconcilable differences,”  we said, and that was that.

But God, in His unquenchable love, would not leave it at that, or leave us to our misery.  It is His nature to fix what is broken, to bring peace to those at war, to heal the wounded, to bring justice to the oppressed, to build a bridge so the lost ones can find their way back Home.  Isaiah foretold it and Jesus declared it true on a certain Sabbath day in Nazareth, in front of the wondering people who had known Him all His days on earth thus far….”The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed me…to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord.” (Luke 4:16-22)  God declaring that a Way was being made, forgiveness was coming, and there was a Good Shepherd who could find the sheep gone astray….everything made new.  No such thing as irreconcilable differences when one of the parties is the Ruler of heaven and earth.

And now He calls us to be bridge-builders, to reach out across the differences and make friends and brothers.  It’s not just a choice to forgive, but a choice to invest– to step into someone else’s shoes and understand where they live and why they do these things, hear their hurts and see the things that shape them, and find mutual ground.  Be reconciled.  The word in the Greek means to change mutually.  God toward us, in the shape of a man, in the shape of a cross; us made new by Christ, then stretching out of our comfortable places toward others… changing the shape of our hearts to include others…letting His love shape us into something that resembles His bridge-building Passion.  Everything becoming new in His resurrection power.

“…God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.  God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  (2 Corinthians 5:19-21)