Author Archives: Laurel

You Can Put It Off Forever

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I used to procrastinate, just like any other kid, when there was weeding to do in the garden, or laundry to fold, or asparagus looking at me from the dinner plate…or especially in the winter-time, when it meant sliding out of the warm nest of blankets in our chilly bedroom upstairs and hurrying into my clothes for the day. It wasn’t that I thought anything would change while I put it off– I was just stuck in the moment of dreading it and couldn’t get past that feeling, and it was like a mountain I couldn’t climb over.

But there are causes and effects in life, and if you are stuck in the moment there is no way to get past it to something better. I found out soon enough that the chores just pile up one on top of another, along with Mother’s consequences…and asparagus just keeps getting worse the longer it sits there…and those moments of freezing cold transition are still waiting for you while the getting-ready-for-school minutes are inexorably ticking away. If you want to get over that mountain of resistance, you have to just do it, take the first step… and then the next steps follow much more easily than you thought they would.

Now that we are all grown up the causes and effects are often not as visible as they were back then, and we get fooled into thinking we are in charge of our own lives, and the temptation to put things off lingers…not just the stuff we dread but even good things can get shoved aside for the sake of a more enjoyable Right Now. You can put things off forever if you really want to. Only the issues are more vital and the consequences can last forever if you’re not careful.

And Paul says to those of us Christ-followers who are living on purpose: “Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:16)   We are ambassadors in an unfriendly foreign land, tasked to carry on Christ’s work here (2 Corinthians 5:20); we are soldiers in a war between good and evil (Ephesians 6:12), and there is an Enemy who wants to distract and destroy us (1 Peter 5:8). Why would anyone live for the moment, without thought for the consequences, in a dangerous land or on a battlefield? We are clay being shaped into Christ’s likeness by the Potter (Romans 9:21), and farmers sowing seeds that only God can grow (2 Corinthians 9:6). Who are we to say what is important and what is ours to squander, if our choices are being used by a sovereign God to shape us and others for eternity?

It really depends on what your purpose is, and whether you have found something worth living and dying for, something eternal that calls you to get up and get moving, beyond the pull of what-is-most-comfortable-for-me, and beyond that moment of dread, into the good He is accomplishing. You can put it off forever, but why would you want to?

 

“From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.” (Ephesians 4:16-17)

Following by Forgiving

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Once we make the commitment to follow Christ many things about life become simple and straightforward, much to our relief. Every time we find Christ saying “do this…” it is a signpost along the way, the neon sign we’ve been wanting that says HERE IS YOUR PURPOSE. But rather like Alice’s little notes in Wonderland that seemed clear enough, but led to unusual results, those signposts can become most difficult in everyday life; the thing is, often it’s not that I don’t know what to do, it’s that I’d rather not.

Forgiving is like that, and we ask right along with Peter… cautiously, feeling this matter out, to see just how far we have to take it: “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21) There has to be a limit to this grace-giving, a time when justice wins out over mercy, right? And Jesus, who knows our hearts so well, says “…not seven times, but seventy-seven times” and haven’t you been listening to the story of the shepherd with one-hundred sheep? It was the one who was far away and causing trouble that he went out to find, not the ninety-nine that were right with him. It’s hard work and it is way out of your comfort zone and it keeps happening over and over, but grace has no limits.

So if I am serious about fulfilling my purpose– if I am honestly committed to following Jesus– then I must make the hard choice to forgive and trust God to sort it all out about who deserves what, in the end. Because He does promise that every man will give an account of his life, and He is the Judge of all the earth who will do what is right– which is a very sustaining thought when I am struggling to forgive yet again.

Lord, help me to forgive, because You died for these sins committed against me. I can think of no one better than You to handle the matter fully; forgive me for hanging onto these hurts in my desire to see justice. I know You will hold me accountable as well, and what You want me to do right now is to forgive. I choose again today to follow You, to follow Your directions, for my good and Your glory. Amen

 

“Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves– to get well and move on.” (unknown)

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Lean Hard

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On days when the past reaches out with long arms and threatens to choke the life out of the present, remember that there is a Savior. It’s like a friend of mine used to say, who was a seasoned traveler along the paths of suffering: On those days, lean hard on the One who came to carry it for you….all your grief, all your regret, every tear and hard question. He is big enough to take it.

He is the Mighty One who moves mountains when I have only a grain of faith. He is the impossible solution to the problem of sin, and now that He has come, nothing will ever be impossible again. He is the High Priest who knows my weaknesses, and the Lamb of God who carried my sins. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13) I can lean hard, in this day, and rest in His presence.

“To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in You I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.” Psalm 25:1-2

“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved …” Psalm 18:1-3

Who Am I?

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All week I think about it, sitting there sewing with the afternoon sun streaming in through the window and the flow of women’s voices around me. We are escapees from the walls of our everyday lives, hiding here for a few days to create beauty, to connect with other artists and let someone else cook and clean and keep everything running smoothly. But I am commuting back to the real world every night and the contrast is outlined sharply, and the words keep tumbling around inside, bubbling up, as I ponder yet again: how easily we define ourselves by our relationships and our job titles, and how hard it is sometimes to see our purpose when we are apart from that. Would I even know who I am if there were no one needing Mommy every few minutes, no day-planner filled with entries, no laundry piled up in the basket, no one waiting for me when I come home at night? Who am I, really, when everyone else goes away?

What if I were just a creature sitting in the sun making beauty before my Maker, for the rest of my life? The birds do that…and the flowers…and maybe most of the living things called forth by the Word of God, though some are admittedly more beautiful in their offerings than others. And that sinks in deep because somewhere long ago, before I was defined by my first roles and relationships (Daughter, first Grand-daughter, First-born, Sister, Friend), I was just me. Although my parents gave me their DNA, and a name and a place to live, I was designed by the eternal Sustainer of Life, woven together in every detail with my father’s sensitive spirit and my mother’s determination, his eyes and her ears, and all my days already planned out in His book.

It comes so naturally to define my identity and purpose with the concrete outlines of this world, and to let the necessities of life shape my days. But maybe the press and bustle often drown out the quieter truth, that I was created to respond to the Creator and mirror Him. When life changes and the roles and relationships that speak so loudly in my life shift, even disappear, I am still who I was created to be, and my first purpose remains: live here in this dark world as a child of light… respond to my Creator in praise and thanksgiving… serve others and give Him glory. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)

So I come back to the everyday world at the end of the week, and take up the jobs and places that others see when they look at me, but with a growing quiet sense of purpose on the inside. In every change of circumstance and season, I am still who He made me to be, and it springs from my relationship with an unchanging God. When I pursue Him I find myself.

 

“Who I am in the context of a relationship with God is who I was meant to be. So who I am in relation to God is my truest sense of self.” (The Worshiping Artist, Rory Noland)

“Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.” Psalm 119:73-74

Every Little Thing

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She called me this morning half in tears, having one of those days when everything you touch seems to break and everywhere you look is one more thing that isn’t turning out right. Somehow, when you are trying your best as a woman, days like this carry an edge of blame, feel like a personal label that you are not good enough or capable enough. Or maybe it’s the gnawing worry way down deep that this is not just a random morning of mishap, but the way you really are living your life. Regardless, it’s enough to make a woman wonder.

We talked about how we can’t control the circumstances that come into our lives, and how some of them are due to our choices, but a great many are unpredictable and uncontrollable. And what matters most is not the experiences themselves but how we respond to them, what we learn from them, and how we move on. In Christ the future always offers a fresh start, wisdom for those who seek it, a clean slate of forgiveness– the power to change. I am never stuck where I am in the moment when “it is God who works in [me] to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13)

It reminded me of what we were talking about last night in small group, all those precious women around the table sharing their stories with brimming eyes, how God is working through every experience of our lives, putting together the puzzle pieces to make the picture He has in mind for us. Nothing wasted. Nothing ruined beyond hope. Nothing too dark or lost that it cannot be shaped by His hands and fit into the big picture of our lives. As He promised the prophet: “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten….” (Joel 2:25) Even when the work of years has been stripped bare and ravaged beyond recognition, He promises new growth in the future, says death is not forever. There is nothing He cannot use for His purposes, if we allow Him to shape both the experiences and us through them.

Funny how we look at other women sitting in the pews and assume their lives are simpler, easier than ours, or at least they must be better at coping with it. Easy to see only the outsides shown in public and sometimes we miss entirely the story of their becoming, what brought them to this place, what hidden sorrows they carry. That’s what small groups are for, to take the time to listen and find out you are not alone. And if God can work in those women’s lives to bring help and hope and healing, then it gets a little easier to trust Him to work in our own circumstances, even the ones that might still be too difficult to talk about.

Lord,  this day again we offer every little thing up to You, to use for Your  purposes. This day we choose once more to follow You in obedience, one step at a time. We recognize that You are the Master Craftsman and we will trust You to shape our experiences for our good and Your glory. Amen.

 

 

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Many Thanks

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One of my spiritual mentors said good-bye this morning, and just turned and stepped through the doorway between worlds, between breaths, and there she was– waking up to the Light that will not fade and the solid Reality of God’s glory. It was peaceful and quiet, the way we were hoping it would be. It’s hard to put into words how happy I am for her accomplishment of finishing her race run well, and how I am more than a little envious, and how thankful for what she taught me… all mixed in with sadness for those who remain and resignation for the distance yet to run of our own.

She always treated me like a daughter: taught me to bake bread and to make pies, traded quilting patterns and good mysteries, shared her son, told me stories of when she was young, and loved my children. She introduced me to her own spiritual mentors: Andrew Murray, the Quaker Bible teacher Hannah Whitall Smith, Elizabeth Elliot. Loaned me those classic books when I was barely out of my teen years, and I read them and later bought them for myself because I wanted to keep them close. Dog-eared and worn, they still sit on my bookshelves in the study, on my nightstand, and these days I am loaning them out to young women I know who are hungry for more of the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives.

She and I were as different as night and day, really. She was the same age as my grandmothers, born in another era. She loved people and talking and music and dancing– an extrovert if ever there was one. She didn’t like to read a lot of instructions or have too many rules because it took way too much time and attention. She was all about fun and trying out new things for yourself. But in the important things we found a connection, and for over thirty years she influenced my growing as an adult and the way I run this race of faith.

I hope I can love and encourage younger women the way she did, help them grow up to resemble their Father more and more. I pray I can run as faithfully and joyfully as she did, and finish well. Through that doorway (just right there, if we had eyes to see it) there is a “Welcome Home” party going on, and she is in the middle of it, right where she belongs. I am so glad.

 

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” Psalm 116:15

 

Give Thanks

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I found another of those straightforward statements about God’s purpose for us, laid out in Scripture this week: “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Whatever else you are gifted for, if you are not pouring out thanks every day you are missing something foundational about your purpose. Maybe it’s because thankfulness reminds us of who we are and who God is– it is the only proper response of created things to the Maker. The only right answer to blessings poured out for His own pleasure and glory, just because He chooses to love us.

Practically speaking, thanks-giving is good for my spirit, reminds me Who is really in charge of all this: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God…” (Philippians 4:6). And when I choose to focus on all that is gift– really think about the emptying of Himself for our sakes, who were His enemies– how can I doubt His goodness, or His ability to give what is needed in this situation. right now? “If there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things….”  Thankfulness leads to trust, and hope, and joy, and “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (v.7)

In everything? In all circumstances? We used to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day when my children were small, and I always thought no wonder that book was so popular when the adults could relate to the story as easily as the children. But by the time you are an adult those days can pile on top of each other so large they seem to be a way of life, and why would we be thankful then? Gradually I discovered that giving thanks was like a trail of bread crumbs out of the forest, and if I didn’t want to get lost in the dark I needed to lay out that path each day. In all circumstances? Especially then, because that’s when you need reminded most. Of who God is. Of who you are. Of grace. Of good.

At first it might be desperate choice, looking for any small glimpse of grace: a cup of good coffee, a child’s warm body sleeping in your arms, the basket of clean clothes folded neatly. But as your eyes grow accustomed to looking, there is more and more to see: the sun through the leaves, the birds singing at the feeder, the smile of the store clerk, a card in the mail. And after awhile, it becomes second nature, your spirit turned upwards to His to see all the everyday grace He gives, and isn’t that what worship is? — “living life in the conscious awareness of His constant presence” (Jerry Bridges).

We really can’t afford to forget to give thanks. It is God’s will for us who belong to Christ. It is the beginning of trust and peace and joy. It’s a good place to start, when discovering your purpose in life.

 

“Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:19-20

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom — and the forgetting of the Lord is the beginning of all sin.”  Ann Voskamp

Shine

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I keep thinking about us re-connecting with our purpose, when we are made new in Christ– not the whys and hows of it, because that is all His grace and glory, but the everyday application of it. What if our purpose as Christ-followers is simpler than we think, sometimes?  We agonize over finding God’s will for us, looking at our jobs, our decisions, our relationships… and with the right motives to honor Him in those areas, but somehow it is still about all the things that concern Self most.

Maybe His will is right in front of our noses if we back up far enough to see it all in perspective, God’s purposes on a grander scale. What Jesus says is simple and direct: “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16, ESV) Shine. In the original language it is houto….give light…like any candle or lamp knows how to do. It just flames steadily, chasing back the darkness wherever it is. That’s what Jesus is calling us to do, to give light. To shine the light of Love and Truth and Righteousness that found you in the darkness and set you free, and now you have a treasure the rest of the world in darkness doesn’t have, doesn’t understand. So flame steadily there, in your own little corner because flame attracts, and warms, and grows; Jesus says this treasure is the light of the world. Our purpose is as simple as the song we sang as children: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna’ let it shine…”

And maybe if I focus on this simple purpose of existence– just give Light– all the other questions of job and decisions and relationship become a good bit clearer as well, because it isn’t about me finding answers any more, but about how to chase back the darkness in this corner where I have been placed. How to burn with the Light and Life of Christ. So shine.

“The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light”. Romans 13:12

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 4:6

 

What Will You Do?

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We laughed in our small group about Eve’s reaction to the walking, talking serpent, wondered how long she listened and discussed the whole idea before she acted on it, trying to peel back the pastel Sunday School picture from the flesh-and-blood reality of our ancestor.  That is always what we want to get down to in these stories, the real people with bodies and minds and hearts like ours, who made choices and lived out their lives in the presence of God. If we can get inside their skins and understand why they chose as they did, for good and ill, we can learn from them.. And if we can see God’s plan of reconciliation working out in the lives of all those messy broken people, we can have faith that He will not give up on us, that our lives have purpose as well. That is why He wrote down their stories, to show us where we came from and the way back to Him.

But the bare bones of the matter are sobering. Eve had to choose who to trust: the awesome glorious God who created her and provided her with everything good, or the fascinating creature who spoke so distractingly about the possibilities she could reach out and take for herself. And someone said it right out last night, that we are faced with the same choice every day. Who will we trust, the all-powerful One who made it all or the desirable stuff of creation all around us that we can grab hold of?

In words like that it seems obvious, but somehow when the choices need to be made it is rarely so clear. Eve was completely deceived– and not quickly or casually, but by a master of cunning, an Enemy undercover in God’s beautiful garden where everything was very good. She had no way of even comprehending the millennia of bondage and brokenness that would spin out from that one choice she made. We should know better ourselves.

We who have been re-created by the Savior and set free to choose every day know firsthand the ugliness of sin, the shame and separation it causes. We who have met the Savior also know firsthand the wonder of being forgiven, the power of the Creator over all things, and His amazingly lavish grace. So Paul reminds us “Let no one deceive you with empty words….Walk as children of light and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:6,8) 

Becoming a woman of purpose means first of all accepting my responsibility for my own choices in the everyday. We joked about saying what we would have done different in Eve’s place– hindsight can be so very wise– but it is a challenge we need to take up each day, because we stand right here and make choices in the moment to trust the Creator or the Deceiver. To be content and comfortable in God’s provision for us or to reach out and grab the distracting stuff of creation that is so appealing to our eyes. To believe that the One who made us knows all our days and can work out His purposes in them or to doubt and fret.

Because we know where we have come from and the great cost that bought our reconciliation to God, let us make good choices this day.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air…and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ– by grace you have been saved…” (Ephesians 2:1-2, 4)

“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.” (Ephesians 1:9 The Message)

Looking at You

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In the changes, in the face of a future I cannot see, “Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart.” May the things I love be nothing compared to Your beautiful and awesome Presence in my life. “Thou my best thought…” the first in the morning, the constant reminder when I am working, when I am wrestling with all the little things that can go wrong in a day, when I am tired,  at the close of the day….no matter where I am or what I am doing, “Thy presence, my light.”

When I don’t know what to do, “Be Thou my wisdom;” counsel me with the truth of Your Word. I belong to You, “Thou my great Father,” and You call me Your child. I am never forgotten– You are always with me. When I am scraping by to pay the bills, I will not worry, and when I am blessed with an unexpected windfall I will thank You for Your provision, and use it for good. “High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art…” what I need above all, at the most basic level of my existence.

In the face of disappointment, let me stay my heart on Thee, remember that all things here will fade and crumble.  They are not big enough to satisfy my soul, no matter how much I cling. Let me see Your face more clearly, hear Your voice, and follow, through every storm of emotion. And one of these days, when I am finished with this race, by Your good grace “may I reach heaven’s joys.”  That is my hope and my reward, “O bright heaven’s sun.” It is why I can keep on walking.

“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O ruler of all.” Amen.

(Be Thou My Vision — from 6th century AD by unknown author)