Author Archives: Laurel

In The Name of Jesus

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As we press deeper into the practice of prayer, and realize that our soul is literally approaching the throne of the Almighty Creator and King, we understand more and more why Jesus underscored that we should come in His name. As Americans, born into the rights and power of the individual, we are perhaps hampered by our culture, on this point.  Only people under a government “by the people and for the people” would ever think that we could walk right into the presence of a ruler and address him personally. Even if we are entering God’s presence as a beloved and welcomed child, we dare not forget that it is only His gracious kindness that calls us such, and only the great price Jesus paid that opens the way for us. As the writer of the book of Hebrews points out, we could not pray at all without Christ going as the High Priest into God’s presence for us. Indeed, it is His crucified body and poured-out blood that remove every obstruction between us and God and make any relationship on good terms possible. “Therefore…having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus…let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith….” (Hebrews 10:19, 22)

For the sake of His Beloved Son, God accepts us; the only way into His presence is to wear Jesus’ name and right-standing, to come as His followers. What Jesus taught His disciples about prayer comes into focus much more clearly now: “I am the way….No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6) Not just the way to find forgiveness from God, but the way to find Him at all. Prayer then is the result of our closeness to Jesus– how offensive it must be for us to bring a list of our desires and concerns to the Father if our relationship with the Son is either casual or neglected.

Prayers rightly come out of time spent with Jesus, shaped by His will and purposes, marked by His grace, motivated by His love. Prayers rightly flow out of our interaction with the Savior who is renovating our hearts in the process, and this is why He can promise “If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” (John 14:14) Asking in Jesus’ name for things He already greatly desires to give us brings Him great honor, both as the Giver and as the One who is bringing about this spiritual transformation in us. Paul inextricably links time spent with Jesus to our growth process: “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18) So we see both prayer and spiritual growth flowing from the same sweet source– the presence of the Savior in our minds and hearts, because we have thrown open the doors and granted Him access to every room.

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“For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance– now that He has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.” (Hebrews 9:15)

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“For our consolation when we survey God under the high and terrible aspect of a sovereign, we have this to reflect on, that He is under covenant bonds of promise to be faithful to the souls that seek Him. His throne must be a throne of grace to His people. And sweetest thought of all, every covenant promise has been endorsed and sealed with blood, and far be it from the everlasting God to pour scorn upon the blood of His dear Son.” (Spurgeon, The Power of Prayer in A Believer’s Life)

The Most Important Skill to Learn This Year

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Our old friend stands there and talks about how our prayers have upheld him when he and his family lived in dark places; he tells stories about how God did miracles in people’s lives when we prayed; he tells us that praying is the best way to help them, “because when you pray you are entering the battle.” And I realize this is the work of prayer that Jesus calls us to, the kind Paul modeled when he said to the believers: “…since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.” (Colossians 1:9) To people like this, prayer is the most vital work of God’s people, an agreement between heaven and earth that God’s will should be done above all else, an open door for God to work in amazing ways.

There’s no question that understanding prayer is a foundational skill for anyone who is serious about following Christ, but I suspect that our experience of prayer will be determined by how we see it. It’s kind of sad really, how we get hung up on saying the right-sounding words…so that God will listen and others will think we are good at this? That kind of performance-measuring barely lifts our eyes off Self long enough to remember what we are even doing in the throne-room. And it’s surprising how many people feel like their own needs are bothersome or selfish; somehow maybe it feels more spiritual to pray for someone else.  No question, the Accuser is working to make sure that if he can’t sway us from our faith, we will at least be so hampered by faulty ideas and skewed perspectives that we will be frustrated and ineffective in it.

In our small group we keep looking back to the old picture that most of us saw when we were growing up– the one of Christ standing outside a door with no handle, knocking– a rendering much older than the artist, actually. The picture of Christ knocking is as old as the words of John’s vision closing out the New Testament. It’s Jesus showing us visually what kind of relationship He wants with us: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” (Revelation 3:20) Anything less falls short of Jesus’ idea of what prayer is like.

If prayer for us is like handing Jesus a weekly to-do list while He stands on the mat, then we are missing something very precious. And if we are thinking about how to word our wants in a way that will make Him sure to do it, then we are barely beyond the realm of superstition. I wonder how Jesus feels about the thoughtless earth-bound words we often call prayer? Real prayer is opening the door and inviting Jesus in to live with us, to inhabit the space of our lives and be the kind of friends that sit down and eat Monday night dinner together. It’s continually turning the eyes of the soul toward Him and asking for His opinions, His wisdom, His perspective on our experiences in life, and choosing to enter into what He is doing in the world. It’s exciting and unexpected, costs time and energy, and is a bit terrifying, if you think about it.

Real prayer is all those things, but it is the spark of restoration that can change everything it touches….because it is God’s Spirit partnering with our spirits to transform the world. As John heard and saw in his vision of heaven: “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ Then he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ ” (Revelation 21:5) He is calling us all to enter the spiritual battle and be Prayer Warriors; it is perhaps the most worthwhile work we can do for the Kingdom of God, and for our own spiritual growth.

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I give you my life,
I give you my trust, Jesus.
You are my God,
You are enough, Jesus.
My heart is Yours…
Take it all, take it all,
My life in your hands.
(My Heart Is Yours, Kristian Stanfill)

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“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.'” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

Wake Me Up Inside

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This collection of prayers sits on the bedside table, words penned almost four hundred years ago by men and women who were willing to leave everything behind for the sake of their faith, sail across oceans and build homes on raw, uncultivated land. No guarantees of success or survival. But they had a dream to build a community on godly principles that would be a shining light to the rest of the world. I pore over their prayers at the end of the day and see their hearts burning bright with devotion, the power of God’s Spirit still evident in their words.

I am struggling to get back to normal, in the aftermath of the holidays, to find a quiet rhythm in ordinary days again. It always seems to take awhile to get used to the house stripped of its Christmas glory and rattling empty. Cooking is difficult without the extra mouths to feed, and I end up giving away the leftovers to anyone who will take them. All the little projects and plans I set aside during the busy rush of Christmas are still in piles,waiting to be picked up and smoothed into order, and I feel January slipping away already without much progress. My head says this is temporary and not the first time, counsels to wait it out till this feels normal again, do the everyday things that I know are productive and good. Everything seems unstable inside. And at night I read the extraordinary prayers of the Puritans, now faceless, nameless– their ordinary days swallowed up in the past– and long to live up to the legacy they have left behind for us.

What stands out the most is the sheer content: guess I would have thought their everyday physical needs would be more pressing and necessary. But these prayers read like poetry; they are psalms of adoration and worship. I am surprised at their deep knowledge of God’s nature, of His Word, of the finer points of theology. Clearly these were no uneducated servants and peasants, but literate men and women who had more lofty goals than raising enough food to eat and building houses, however difficult it was to survive in those early years of settlement. It reminds me of Jesus’ words to the crowds following Him around: “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:31, 33) These people understood His priorities, were looking at God through a magnifying glass, so that everyday life flowed along underneath that exalted vision.

Just as remarkable is their view of Self. Written long before ideas of independence or equal rights or personal potential, these prayers show a deep recognition of their own sinfulness and utter dependence on His grace, without even a hint of low self esteem; perhaps the clarity of seeing God in His glory and oneself forgiven does that for a person. They were certainly better off without the clouding factor of a narcissistic culture. And throughout runs an earnest desire to know God more fully, to serve Him faithfully, and surrender completely to His will. I mouth the centuries-old words deliberately, each night, often seeing how far short I fall of their intent– but you have to start somewhere,. And I find myself drawing near to the Throne of God in new ways. It is humbling, strips away the pride of a modern education, the assumption that our sophisticated technological world has made us better and stronger somehow. These writers knew God, desired Him to a depth that makes me wonder when half-asleep became the new normal. Prayer orients us as creatures around our Source and Center, and the whole of our ordinary little worlds can settle and turn, with that alignment.

As I wobble here, finding a way to live the ordinary days well, the Spirit whispers quietly, “…call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you…I will be found by you…” (Jeremiah 29:11, 13) And I do know this to be true (though it seems I have to re-learn it again and again), that focusing the eyes of your heart on God is the best way to live the ordinary days; that praise and adoration of Who He Is gives me a better view of who I am; that the daily rhythms fall into place when my spirit walks closely with His. These very old prayers of saints long gone serve as both guidebook and reminder of how an extraordinary God fully intends to make my heart His home.  Prayer is the door opening, between my heart and His, my reaching out to the One who loves me with His life. And He is always standing there, knocking, ready to come in.

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“Thou hast loved me everlastingly, unchangeably,
may I love thee as I am loved;
Thou hast given thyself for me,
may I give myself to thee;
Thou hast died for me,
may I live to thee,
in every moment of my time,
in every movement of my mind,
in every pulse of my heart…”
(Christ Is All, in The Valley of Vision)

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 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with Me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from Me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with Me and My words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how My Father shows who He is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as My disciples.” (John 15:7, The Message)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of Stepping Stones and Open Spaces

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A friend remarked at the beginning of the week that she had taken down all the Christmas decorations already, because by the time the holiday is over she just wants to clean her house and be rid of the clutter. I feel the same way, only not about the tree and the ornaments. For months I have had the thought that my life was pressing in, getting smaller and more chaotic, and I seem to be constantly busy, even though I am accomplishing less. It’s the kind of sense that can run along underneath everything else, just a faint hum in the background that you can ignore most of the time, until you lay down at the end of the day, or sit still for a minute, and there it is– like the warning light on your dashboard that you really have to pay attention to eventually.

We sit around the dinner table on the first day of the year, as we always do, and share our hearts over dessert and coffee. Usually it’s one of the pastor-dads that sets the theme– something provocative like “How have you seen God working in your life over the past year?” and “What are some of your goals for the coming year?” It is a way to celebrate and connect as an extended family, a well-loved tradition that stirs up both laughter and tears in the sharing.  As we listen around the room to young adults reaching naturally into the next big thing, maybe I envy (just a little) that stage of life when goals and plans are more like stepping stones. But I see their hearts to hear God’s voice and to seek the plans He has for them, and see how that is what will last, long after they pass these milestones of rings and dates and diplomas.

So I share too about the hopes for the coming year, but inside there is still the insistent knocking that I can’t put into words yet, and I know it will take time to resolve and find a direction to go. No big changes in store, no visible major goals to reach, and yet sometimes the best goals are more internal than external, and sometimes the ways the spirit grows are more life-changing in the long run. It could be that the biggest question at the start of a New Year is What does God have in store for me, and am I prepared to walk through that door when it opens? Is my heart in the right place to even recognize His leading, out of the myriad of voices in this world? These kinds of answers only come in the quiet spaces, and I can hear Him knocking at the door.

So here at the beginning of a New Year, I will set to cleaning out the piled up places in closets and lists and thoughts. I will create uncluttered margin in life… to read the unexpected… to focus… to think, now that the busy-ness of the holiday season is stilled. Make time to listen to God’s priorities for me in the next twelve months. And I will not be quick to fill in the lines of my new calendar with projects and plans and other people’s ideas for my time. Because the Church-planter said “…I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1) I know I will live my best this year if I live in worship; we are always at our best when we are responding to the One who offered Himself as a sacrifice for us.

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“Oh what amazing love–
We need Your cleansing flood;
Jesus I come, Jesus I come.
In every broken place,
You are my righteousness;
Jesus I come, Jesus I come.
Thank You, Jesus;
Just as I am I come.
Hallelujah,
Oh what amazing love.”
(Jesus I Come, Elevation Worship)

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“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.” (Philippians 1:20)

Breathing Hard

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I heard an old Christmas favorite by Amy Grant yesterday morning, one of many CDs I never got around to this year for some reason (and yes, it is perfectly okay to listen to Christmas music until the end of December, especially when you’ve been too busy before Christmas to enjoy it properly). I remember the year this album came out, when the mix of babies at home and holiday events became just too overwhelming. As a young mother in ministry, realizing Mary’s dependency on the Holy Spirit to accomplish the difficult thing she was called to do sparked a longing to know His powerful help in my own Everyday.

I listen to the song now, these many years later, and recognize God’s presence woven through– know that it was His strength that helped me, His light that guided me through many dark and confusing days, His own heart poured into mine so I could be a help to others. And this is the Christmas miracle that lasts into the New Year: the very Breath of Heaven that overshadowed young Mary is the same One who says to us “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) The holy Presence that knit flesh and Spirit together to bring forth the Messiah, and comforted Mary through that uncertain time is the same the Musician-King sang about: “You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” (Psalm 139:5) The Spirit of the Living God has entered this world to live with us. Not just for certain special people, or for specific important tasks, but for everyday living. This is why Paul the Apostle could tell people plainly that now we can “reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us. ‘For in Him we live and move and have our being.’” (Acts 17:27)The Christ Child grew up in this world, lived and died and lived again, and when He went back Home He promised “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18) And so the Breath of Heaven comes to live in our fragile clay– simple Christ-followers, made temples by His presence.

This Advent season, everyday life seems to weigh heavy: real people baring their hearts in small groups; late night phone calls, and early morning texts asking for prayer, or for a listening ear; a deluge of tears and general messiness of all kinds. I think of those who are grieving for children lost, and others who are facing impossible circumstances, and the ones who are wondering where they went wrong and how to live out their faith in the place where they are. So many people who are searching for answers. So many who are longing for God’s touch, and just plain weary in their Everyday…seems like many of us could echo Mary’s prayer for help, this Christmas season.  Maybe it is the best way to pray for each other, here at the beginning of a New Year, that the divine Wind would blow through the ordinary in unexpected ways. Maybe there’s no way we can get through today or tomorrow, unless we remind each other often that God is with us, no matter how it looks– He is as close as our next breath. Maybe the only way we can leave the old year behind and face the new one, in spite of problems that seem like they are here to stay, is to remember that we have a Comforter-Helper who will not leave us either. And He is calling “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) It’s me as much as anyone who needs to come close and give it up to Him… just lay it down and breathe deep.

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“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Colossians 1:9-12

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“I believe everything that You say You are;
I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart.
In the good things and in the hardest part,
I believe and I will follow You.
I believe and I will follow You.”
(I Will Follow, Vertical Church)

When You’re Feeling Stuck

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It’s definitely a day for the Chicago blues and a wailing guitar, with the snow coming down, and waiting for family to come home, and pies laid out on the kitchen table. After all these years, the prayers come easily in the kitchen: stirring over the stove, and checking the timer, and washing up the dishes yet again, mixing and measuring out…these daily movements have become the choreography of my prayer life. The medieval Carmelite monk, Brother Lawrence, had it right when he said “We might accustom ourselves to a continual conversation with Him with freedom and in simplicity. We need only to recognize God intimately present with us and address ourselves to Him every moment. We need to beg His assistance for knowing His will in things doubtful and for rightly performing those which we plainly see He requires of us, offering them to Him before we do them, and giving Him thanks when we have completed them.” (The Practice of the Presence of God)

So I work in my kitchen and offer it up to Him, and I pray for Him to work in all the situations that need His help, ask yet again for Him to do the things that would surely be best for everyone, and suddenly it occurs to me that I only get impatient with waiting because I want to be able to do something to fix this. I wonder how many times my prayers are no more than a begging for Him to move this obstacle or open that door, so I can get to work, an expression of frustration in my own helplessness. With that personal observation under the spotlight, it’s easier to see why He often does something entirely different, way out of my reach, so that the glory is all His own. Immediately Paul’s words from his letter to the Ephesians come to mind, “And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” We are used to hearing that in reference to salvation (which of course is what Paul is talking about) but there is a wry fact of life there too, that we would usually so much rather do things on our own and feel good about it. And more than a hint of feeling we know what is best, as well.

But I see how self-sufficiency sets itself against trusting, and how our stress-filled figuring-it-out could be laid to rest in the knowledge of the Father’s love. I can wait quietly, in total assurance that whatever God is doing will show itself to be very much bigger and way better than anything I could work out. I can be content to trade the stress and hurry of my efforts for the promise that all will be well for the people I love, because the Giver loves to pour out undeserved favor for the sake of His glory. It’s what He does best. In the space of waiting that often seems empty and unproductive, maybe there is an unseen wind of earth-shaking power that I don’t know about yet. Just ask the ancient prophets watching their people being hauled away into slavery by the conquering Babylonian armies, who are laying waste to the Promised Land. Yet during that time, Jeremiah could claim “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:25-26) And Isaiah could write some of the most beautiful and comforting words the world has ever heard: “Why do you complain..? Why do you say, Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God’? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom….those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” (Isaiah 40:27-28, 31) Wait, O Israel, because God is at work, and the silence will not last forever…only until the Savior is born, “And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together.” (Isaiah 40:5)

Some things God does give me to work out, with His strength to help, and this too is a gift. As Brother Lawrence reminds, the key is knowing what is mine to do and not fretting about the rest of it. There is a simplicity in that kind of trust that only comes through the habit of constant inner conversation with God. The humble monk in the kitchen was living out what Paul explains simply and practically in his Ephesians letter: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.” (Ephesians 4:6-7) Work on the things that are in your circle of influence; wait for God to take care of the things that are not; and pray about all of it, trusting Him to show you which is which. I need the reminder that this is how to live in the presence of God; my heart turns, and the prayers change, deepen here, looking for what He is doing in the waiting spaces, listening for the whispers of His Spirit. And the world waits in the stillness, waits to see His glory.

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 “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

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“God’s putting together all the pieces of the puzzle and He’ll fill what’s still missing with His peace.” (Ann VosKamp)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only Some Things Endure Forever

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There are all these circumstances we can get stuck in, no matter how much we chafe hard against them; and doing-our-best isn’t always enough to change what is, and what is not. We wait for answers to our prayers, and wait for relationships to change, and sorrows to fade, and doors to open…all these things that we cannot affect. And I see the birds hunching down against the cold gray sky, and think how we are like that sometimes– as if we could wall out what hurts and just bend our backs under the weight, hold out till the skies turn blue again.

Maybe this holiday of Thanksgiving comes just at the right time to remind us of what is truly needful. Right when the brilliance of Fall turns dull and bare, and the earth is settling into Winter (right when we could lose a grip on  hope… let it blow away with the last of the leaves), there is this reminder that the giving of thanks is still appropriate. The Musician-King sang it thousands of years ago, left his testimony for us: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” (Psalm 118:1) It’s all a matter of perspective, and when we look at the right things, this season may be very short after all.  “As for man, his days are like grass…the wind blows over it and it is gone….But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children…” (Psalm 103:15-17) Fasten our eyes on what truly lasts, and the present circumstances show up fleeting in the light of eternity.

In many ways, giving thanks is our banner proclaiming allegiance to the King– the way we display our surrender to His will and His timing–even when we are tired of waiting. Giving thanks is a kind of offering laid on the altar of worship, our statement of trust that He is still at work and He is still good. It is an act of obedience, not just emotion. The church-planter Paul told the long-ago believers to “…pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18) But he is just as quick to point out that it is for our own benefit, because when we pour out our hearts in prayer and thanksgiving, “…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)  Giving thanks is our shield raised against discouragement and resignation, a weapon to beat back the darkness.

Maybe if we raise our heads brave against the wind and spend this season thanks-giving, we will find a joy we had not expected in these circumstances…and there is always hope. “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:13-14)

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“No matter what we’re facing, there are always only two roads: thanksgiving to God or dismissing of God.” (Ann VosKamp)

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“When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; He brought me into a spacious place. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? The Lord is with me; He is my helper.” (Psalm 118:5-7)

 

Just As I Am, I Come

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I’ve been reading old soldiers of the faith, these last few weeks, and feeling both encouraged and humbled by their strength. It is safe to say that a person’s grasp of grace is directly proportional to his sense of how far he has fallen and his utter desperate need for forgiveness. We have somehow lost both grace and desperation, in the modern swell of psychological Self-boosting.

But there’s a difference between hating your sin-disease and hating yourself. There’s a difference between feeling shame and feeling worthless because of it (though the Enemy of your soul will rush you right from one to the other without a second thought). It’s really not that we need to find a way to feel better about ourselves. It’s that we need to pull off the masks and see ourselves clearly. We are genetically flawed– at the mercy of our bent and broken natures. We are born into the middle of this crazy rebellion against the King and are running headlong toward our own destruction, like so many larger-than-life lemmings. And trying to patch up the effects of shame and guilt by building self-worth on our own is as appallingly futile as treating a flesh-eating virus with a good diet and exercise. But maybe that’s part of the problem, that we have lived so long with this malady that we have accepted it as a normal part of life, just one more everyday hazard to cope with the best way you can, until you run out of time.

Thing is, when you can see yourself clearly, flawed as you are, the answer is similarly obvious… as plain as that Cross on the hill. The Apostle Paul knew just what his sin problem was, doesn’t hesitate to tell us “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. (Romans 3:11) And he waxes eloquent about the Grace that rescued him and gave him a new start– practically sings it, in words that can barely contain the Mystery: “So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us…. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us…” (Ephesians 1:6-8a) Far from making Paul miserable, recognizing the depths of his personal darkness gave him a profound appreciation for the gift of forgiveness. Maybe he was onto something, along with these other saints long-gone: don’t bother patching up the soul, because “all our righteous acts are like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6) anyway. Just stop running ragged and making do on your own; dive into endless grace for a complete re-creation, and revel in the simple freedom of starting over.

And the old words still ring true to the soul:
“Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling;
Naked, come to thee for dress;
Helpless, look to thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die….
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in thee.”
(Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me, Augustus M. Toplady)

There is a Savior who takes me just as I am, and a love that defies all explanation or measurement, and this is the source of true worth and a healthy self-image. I don’t really see myself clearly until I can see a forgiven sinner made whole, “the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:9) There’s joy here, in coming just as you are.

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“You’re more than your hands do. You’re more than your hands have. You’re more than how other hands measure you. You are what is written on God’s Hands: Safe. Held. His. Beloved.” (Ann VosKamp)

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“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ…” (Ephesians 3:17-18)

You Make Beautiful Things

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The hills are turning every shade of fire this weekend, and when I think about what it really means for the trees, my spirit offers up hushed that only God could make the dying beautiful. With Autumn’s declaration splashed lavish across the hillsides, two young people celebrate how He brought them out of broken places to start a new life together….a weary joyful saint leaves behind a chrysalis and steps transformed into immortality….a whole family gives thanks for the awakening miracle of love in a child’s wounded heart….the Holy Wind blowing life into all these dry bones. And I see how we are all only dust, lit up with Your glory. We are the clay in Your potter’s hands from the first day till the last, held fast and loved beyond measure. The colors of autumn paint us their yearly reminder that everything fades but what is in You: all this dust turning to dust, and all of us becoming beautiful in the light of Your grace, empty hands held up toward the sky.

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“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children…” (Psalm 103:13-17)

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“Do not be thinking of how little you have to bring to God, but of how much he wants to give you. Just place yourself before, and look up into, His face; think of His love, His wonderful, tender, pitying love. Just tell Him how sinful and cold and dark it all is: it is the Father’s loving heart that will give light and warmth to yours.” (Andrew Murray)

Seasons of Change

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Almost a month has slipped by here, with me wordlessly ruminating on things past and what is ahead, and how we all are growing. It is remarkable how quickly great change can come to our hearts, when we are truly ready to listen and hungry for something more. Who knows what the tipping point will be? When do the walls become doors and everything suddenly make sense? How do we open the windows and allow the winds of change to blow through our lives? And it reminds me of the story Jesus told: “…other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!…Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” (Mark 4:8-9) Maybe only the Farmer knows when the soil is fertile, and when ears are ready to understand His Truth– just how much digging up and plowing-through it takes, to make something grow. His patience is endless.

And too, perhaps all the years of labor pains and wrestling on another’s behalf are not as unproductive as they appear sometimes. Perhaps the Holy Wind has been stirring within, preparing the soil to yield abundance, after all. Who are we to judge what is in another person’s heart, or when the harvest should come, or even what He is accomplishing in our own hearts during the long waiting?

So here we are already mid-Fall, at the start of new small groups and new books, and we come with ever-new hearts around the table to learn together. We are not the same as we were even a year ago: older certainly, but there’s a hunger in the room…a warmth of connected-ness between us women whose hearts are open and whose ears are listening. We are excited for new growth. Someone pointed out the other night that the overarching Plan is God’s, but we get to choose how we respond– what our lives will produce– and people are watching and responding themselves. It makes me think again of soil plowed up and receptive to the seeds He is planting, and how mysterious are the methods of the Holy Breath of God. There is the small stir of a seed’s awakening, and there is the slow steady growth of a well-cultivated soul, and there is the sudden abundance of harvest, but it is all the Farmer’s work “…to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us.” (Ephesians 1:6)

Dear Father, help us to keep saying yes to You in every little thing; to keep the eyes of our souls turned toward you; and our ears open for Your voice, however it may come. May we be patient with what You are growing in us, and persevere in praying for those we love; may Your grace and lovingkindness bring the harvest.

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“He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs; there he brought the hungry to live….” (Psalm 107:35-36)

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“Trust Him now for everything, and see if He does not do for you exceeding abundantly above all that you could ever have asked or thought, not according to your power or capacity, but according to His own mighty power, that will work in you all the good pleasure of His most blessed will. You find no difficulty in trusting the Lord with the management of the universe and all the outward creation, and can your case be any more complex or difficult than these, that you need to be anxious or troubled about His management of it?” (Hannah Whitall Smith)